Private property and shame

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Larry B.
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Private property and shame

#1 Post by Larry B. » Tue Aug 09, 2011 2:42 pm

Just wondering...

You know that strange feeling when someone asks you how much money you make?

Or when you ask someone what car they have, if they have cable/satellite TV, etc?

I guess I just wanted to know if you people feel uncomfortable with those questions...

I don't feel any shame of making as much or as little money as I make... but I do feel weird talking about it, whether it's with my girlfriend, with my parents, with my brother, etc. The word that most closely describes what I feel is "shame". Not that I feel like I should earn more or anything... it's just... I don't know.

I think I'm asking because recently I've seen how a couple of friends seem to be feeling superior because they bought cars, and how they felt a little diminished when I told them I have the satellite TV plan that everybody seems to want nowadays. I do know they care about material things more than I do (for instance, I don't feel the need of purchasing a car. When/if I live with my girlfriend, I'd definitely get a car, but along with her. I don't want a car "for me", because I just don't need it), but it is still weird. Like they want to have just a little more than the rest, regardless if they need or if they like it. They just seem to feel weird for not having something that someone else has or for making less money than someone else within their close circle.

:noclue:

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Juana
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Re: Private property and shame

#2 Post by Juana » Tue Aug 09, 2011 3:53 pm

I have no shame in it but some do because they base their lives on a lot of things like that. As long as I have a roof, food and my fiance I'm fine. Everything else can be worked out.

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Artemis
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Re: Private property and shame

#3 Post by Artemis » Tue Aug 09, 2011 4:22 pm

I don't feel shame, but I am private about my finances. I never ask people how much they make or how much they have in the bank. If anybody says to me, "If you don't mind me asking, how much do you make?" I say that I do mind and ask why they want to know. That shuts them up immediately.

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feathers mcgraw
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Re: Private property and shame

#4 Post by feathers mcgraw » Tue Aug 09, 2011 4:25 pm

Artemis wrote:I don't feel shame, but I am private about my finances. I never ask people how much they make or how much they have in the bank. If anybody says to me, "If you don't mind me asking, how much do you make?" I say that I do mind and ask why they want to know. That shuts them up immediately.
Pretty much this. It's nobody else's damn business.

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Re: Private property and shame

#5 Post by creep » Tue Aug 09, 2011 4:38 pm

one of my friends at my weekly poker game was just offered a new job with a 300k signing bonus. i thought it was weird that he was telling us but at that time it was just an offer and he said he wasn't going to take it. he ended up taking the job so i guess we all know what he got now. honestly i wouldn't have to think too long if someone offered me that. :noclue:

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guysmiley
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Re: Private property and shame

#6 Post by guysmiley » Tue Aug 09, 2011 8:05 pm

I just find it weird that people feel the need to brag about how much they make. Like that makes them more interesting or better in some way. I don&t find it that important, so I try not to talk about it. :noclue:

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ant
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Re: Private property and shame

#7 Post by ant » Tue Aug 09, 2011 8:34 pm

guysmiley wrote:I just find it weird that people feel the need to brag about how much they make. Like that makes them more interesting or better in some way. I don&t find it that important, so I try not to talk about it. :noclue:
In my experience the people that brag are either really insecure about whatever it is they are going on about, or they are lying.

I never ask how how much someone makes and even if someone asks me what I do for a living I usually just say where I work instead of what I do since that seems like an end around way of getting to the same question.

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Larry B.
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Re: Private property and shame

#8 Post by Larry B. » Tue Aug 09, 2011 8:40 pm

Nice...

But, any thoughts on what you consider makes the money/property factor be a little awkward? I mean, if you don't consider money to be particularly important, why would you avoid the subject?

That's one question I make myself and I'm not always able to answer it successfully.

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ant
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Re: Private property and shame

#9 Post by ant » Tue Aug 09, 2011 8:46 pm

Larry B. wrote:Nice...

But, any thoughts on what you consider makes the money/property factor be a little awkward? I mean, if you don't consider money to be particularly important, why would you avoid the subject?

That's one question I make myself and I'm not always able to answer it successfully.
I don't particularly care about money. I like to have enough to enjoy my lifestyle but I'm not obsessed with making a certain amount and I definitely don't see a correlation between the amount of money someone makes and being a successful person. I used to answer people if they asked how much I made and either I got the feeling they felt better than me cause they made more or they felt bad for me cause I made less.

I used to be a collector of things. Records, action figures, DVDs and other stuff and I was obsessed with having the biggest collection. In recent years I've realized how unimportant 'objects' are and I've sold off or given away a ton of stuff. That feeling came from the same place, feeling better about myself because I had a bigger record collection than my friends. Getting over the idea that accumulation of anything just for the sake of it has been quite freeing.

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Juana
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Re: Private property and shame

#10 Post by Juana » Tue Aug 09, 2011 10:25 pm

My thing with it is like stated above people have insecurities and I believe that aspect helps them feel better about themselves. To me though it doesn't really matter if someone asks I typically just say well I make enough to enjoy my lifestyle. I focus more on my happiness than anything else and not having many bills helps out with that. I have found when you tell yourself that if you can't pay for it in cash (for little things) then you don't need it then you don't have to be as obsessed with making a certain amount of money.

Pure Method
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Re: Private property and shame

#11 Post by Pure Method » Wed Aug 10, 2011 5:53 am

I'm still in college, and won't get a job that pays as much as my tuition (50k+) for years, and with law school looming in the not-so distant future, yeah, I feel a lot of shame for free-loading off my parents, especially when times are tough everywhere. I know it's not my fault that I 'won' the biological lottery, but holy shit does it make me feel guilty to have all of these opportunities, without ever really having 'earned' the ability to pay for them. :balls:

I think the only thing I can do is to seize whatever chances I have (like everyone else), make the best me I possibly can (like everyone else), and give back. Perhaps, I was born with the opportunity to help; I suppose there is no gift as precious. :noclue:

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Hype
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Re: Private property and shame

#12 Post by Hype » Wed Aug 10, 2011 10:22 am

Pure Method wrote:Perhaps, I was born with the opportunity to help; I suppose there is no gift as precious. :noclue:
Tell that to Donald Trump. :lolol:

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Bandit72
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Re: Private property and shame

#13 Post by Bandit72 » Wed Aug 10, 2011 1:25 pm

Surely people can have some idea of what you earn by what job you do? Material things are neither here nor there. I know a few people who have nice things but are massively in debt. Others who live with their parents who have a shit load of money. There is a big stigma about it though I agree. I'm finding the older I get, the less materialistic I am. I still have a Sony CRT telly from 1997! It's not a plasma or LED and the picture's still good so why change it? I'm not a big tv watcher anyway.

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Re: Private property and shame

#14 Post by creep » Wed Aug 10, 2011 5:37 pm

Bandit72 wrote:Surely people can have some idea of what you earn by what job you do? Material things are neither here nor there. I know a few people who have nice things but are massively in debt. Others who live with their parents who have a shit load of money. There is a big stigma about it though I agree. I'm finding the older I get, the less materialistic I am. I still have a Sony CRT telly from 1997! It's not a plasma or LED and the picture's still good so why change it? I'm not a big tv watcher anyway.
i used to be pretty irresponsible with my money but the last ten years i have been pretty good. i haven't had a car payment in about seven years and had zero debt up till this year. i am about 13k in credit card debt that all went to home improvements so i see that as an investment. i plan to sell my house in april so that debt will be taken care of. i do have nice tv's, and furniture but that is about it. my car looks nice but it's a ten year old audi a4 with 140k miles that is hardly worth anything. it looks and runs good so i'm happy with it.

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sinep
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Re: Private property and shame

#15 Post by sinep » Thu Aug 11, 2011 3:39 am

Larry B. wrote:Just wondering...

You know that strange feeling when someone asks you how much money you make?
the club i dance at only pays 8.50 an hour, but usually i'll clear 15-20 dollars a night in tips.

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Artemis
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Re: Private property and shame

#16 Post by Artemis » Thu Aug 11, 2011 3:42 am

sinep wrote:
Larry B. wrote:Just wondering...

You know that strange feeling when someone asks you how much money you make?
the club i dance at only pays 8.50 an hour, but usually i'll clear 15-20 dollars a night in tips.
lap dancing is more lucrative. you should try that to increase tips.

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